Lara Spencer on Good Morning America  talked about an article in Country Life magazine. Apparently it was about what defines an English gentleman. Let’s just say Fred and The Beau, well, they didn’t fair too well. So that led Gig and I on a rabbit trail about Redneck Gentlemen (Yes, there definitely is such a thing…it’s just a little bit different from an English Gentleman.)

Well, we were cracking ourselves up so much that I thought we needed to get the boys involved. I thought they’d kick back a few “Redneck gentlemen do….” texts and we’d get a good giggle and go on our way. I under estimated Fred. (I often do, even after all these years.)

Throughout the day, with his not so little texting fingers, Fred posted his response to the English gents 39 steps. Here are the results:

The 39 steps to being a (modern) gentleman courtesy of Country Life.

1. Negotiates airports with ease (Fred’s version: Southern men can do this while transporting a weapon.)
2. Never lets a door slam in someone’s face (Fred’s version: Southern men will not only hold the door they will say something nice to whoever is entering.)
3. Can train a dog and a rose  (Fred’s version: Southern men can train their dog to deliver a rose.)
4. Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent  (Fred’s version: Southern men can make facial hair look sexy and if they decide to get a tattoo, won’t cry.)
5. Knows when not to say anything  (Fred’s version: Southern men aren’t afraid to say I love you.)
6. Wears his learning lightly  (Fred’s version: might not have a fancy degree but he can skin, clean and fix venison as good as most chefs. He can catch and cook fish leaving you wanting more.)
7. Possesses at least one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit, and a dinner jacket  (Fred’s version: It’s not the clothes that make a Southern man, it’s the man that makes the clothes.)
8. Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes  (Fred’s version: Southern men have a pair of boots. Enough said.)
9. Turns his mobile phone to silent at dinner (Fred’s version: If you’re having dinner with a Southern man, phones aren’t involved.)
10. Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms  (Fred’s version: If you’re staying with a Southern man, you’re not considered a guest. You’re family.)
11. Tips staff in a private house and a gamekeeper  (Fred’s version: A Southern man takes care of those who care for him. And he is a gamekeeper, never taking more than is needed.)
12. Says his name when being introduced  (Fred’s version: A Southern man is introduced by others.)
13. Breaks a relationship face to face  (Fred’s version: With a Southern man, the relationship may change but is never broken.)
14. Is unafraid to speak the truth  (Fred’s version: A Southern man also speaks the truth but the difference is he will also act on it.
15. Knows when to clap  (Fred’s version: A Southern man will also stand and cheer. He will let you know he’s on your side always. (Sic ‘em)) [This was pure sucking up to Gig and the Beau.]
16. Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time  (Fred’s version: A Southern man will also arrive early, but he will stay for as long as it takes to get the job done right.)
17. Is good with waiters  (Fred’s version: A Southern man doesn’t mind being the waiter.)
18. Has two tricks to entertain children (Fred’s version: A Southern man will be a child to entertain a child.)
19. Can undo a bra with one hand  (Fred’s version: Well, let’s just say women leave their bras at home when being entertained by Southern men.)
20. Sings lustily in church  (Fred’s version: It’s not just singing. Southern men believe what they are singing.)
21. Is not vegetarian  (Fred’s version: A Southern man will adapt to what is needed. See #19.)
22. Can sail a boat and ride a horse  (Fred’s version: A Southern man drives his boat as fast as he wants, no wind needed. And can ride a horse with one hand while the horse is bucking.)
23. Knows the difference between Glenfiddich and Glenda Jackson  (Fred’s version: Whiskey and politicians. Now that’s a pair that Southern men know all about.)
24. Never kisses and tells  (Fred’s version: With Southern men, the women do all the talking <3)
25. Cooks an omelette to die for  (Fred’s version: A Southern man will die for his lady. Not eggs.)
26. Can prepare a one-match bonfire  (Fred’s version: A Southern man has a lady friend to keep warm.)
27. Seeks out his hostess at a party  (Fred’s version: A Southern man is the party.)
28. Knows when to use an emoji  (Fred’s version: A Southern man doesn’t need emojis. But will have fun using them at times.)
29. Would never own a Chihuahua  (Fred’s version: Southern men don’t have the word Chihuahua in their vocabulary.)
30. Has read Pride and Prejudice  (Fred’s version: Southern men have pride and aren’t prejudiced.)
31. Can tie his own bow tie  (Fred’s version: Southern men wear a bolo. No need to tie.)
32. Would not go to Puerto Rico  (Fred’s version: Southern men like beautiful women in bikinis.)
33. Knows the difference between a rook and a crow  (Fred’s version: Southern men don’t care about black birds. They would rather feed their lady dove or quail.)
34. Sandals? No. Never  (Fred’s version: Return to #8.)
35. Wears a rose, not a carnation  (Fred’s version: Southern men would rather give you roses.)
36. Swats flies and rescues spiders  (Fred’s version: Southern men don’t have time for either. Re-read #19.) (My rescue: Southern men teach their daughters to kill their own flies and spiders.)
37. Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition  (Fred’s version: Southern men will make the race worth the competition.)
38. Never blow dries his hair  (Fred’s version: Southern men blow dry their lady’s hair.) (And some can French braid it too.)
39. Knows that there is always an exception to a rule  (Fred’s version: Southern men ARE the exception to the rule.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(And when I suggested that maybe #36 was a little weak –(Fred’s reply: Southern men have real jobs and sometimes you get what you get!))

Now, Gig and I came up with our own and we aren’t finished. I mean, we need at least 39. So, chime in….Here’s what we said:

The ? steps to being a Redneck Gentleman

1. Knows how to use a duck call
2. Only shoots for the meat
3. Can skin his own deer, but chooses to outsource it every time (so the other guy makes some money)
4. Carries a hanky for his bride.
5. Doesn’t vote for Trump but reposts all of the funny Trump memes, whilst secretly rooting for Bernie Sanders.
6. Knows how to camouflage hat hair…and a beat up old truck.
7. Wouldn’t be caught dead in lilac socks or own a Chihuahua.
8. Has a sense of humor.
9. Can drive anything..with a beer in 1 hand.
10. Always opens the door for women, children and old folks.
11. Loves his dog as much as his wife and kids.
12. • Knows how to please a woman. Even when she’s insatiable.
13. • Tailgates his alma mater religiously.
14. • Has enough Camo to call it a wardrobe.
15. • Knows the difference between a bass, a trout and a crappie and how to pronounce crappie.
16. • Never gives a limp fish handshake but can adjust his shake for gentler souls.
17. • Southern men are sentimental but only cry at their momma’s funeral or their baby girl’s wedding.